InsaneJournal

Want
What do I want?


Once upon a time, I used to want to be popular with all the girls wanting to be me and all the boys wanting me. Then I met Buffy and that want went out the window. Who has time to day dream about being popular when they’re fighting off yet another apocalypse come to town?

I could easily say that I want love and launch into a breathless essay of how I want Tara for one more day, if not forever. I could go on and on and tell you about how much I miss my girl and how I realize that I did wrong and so on.

But I think that if magic or fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it, gave Tara back to me, it would tarnish the memories of that perfect day where we were together again before she died. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with her. But I know that it’s a pipe-dream since it’s not going to happen. There was a reason why the First couldn’t don her face to taunt me back in Sunnydale, even if I don’t know what that reason is.

And to be honest, what I want has nothing to do with popularity or second chances. Ever since the destruction of the Hellmouth and Sunnydale, I find myself wanting one thing. I want my friends back and I want us to be the way we once were. It’s heartbreaking to be divided by so much space. I am in Rio with Kennedy and some of the new Slayers, Xander’s in Africa tracking down Slayers, Giles is in England trying to recreate the Council, and Buffy’s fulfilling her dream of normalcy in Italy with Dawn.

I miss them every day and I want to be back with them again researching the next big bad. Perhaps wanting to go back to the way we were is just impossible as me ever being popular was or having Tara back is, but that’s the one thing that I truly want.

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